[4/4] Then and Now 💙 This is my first real update since my brother’s wedding. I wish I had a traditional happy ending to share, but to be honest with you, this is probably the best ending I could ask for. When the ceremony started, I got up there with my officiant script and waited for the procession. My mother and my brother were the first to come down. That was the first time I saw her in about 20 years. She looked at me for maybe two seconds and immediately looked down at the ground as she walked up to her seat. My father and my youngest brother (I have two brothers) were next. My father didn’t make eye contact with me at all as he made his way to his seat. I stood up there smiling, because it was a happy wedding day, and secondly because I was honestly happy to see my parents again. The little girl in me wanted to run to them. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
After the ceremony and during the breaks, my parents stayed with my relatives. During my best man speech, they sat with their backs toward me and we didn’t make eye contact either. They along with my relatives left early. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Growing up, I feared my parents and relatives. And maybe as a child and in the courtroom, everything and everyone looked so tall and big. When I was standing up there officiating, a huge reality hit me. They didn’t look as tall or monumental as I remembered. Both physically and figuratively. I don’t know if it was that I literally grew taller over the years or that I was standing on shoulders of so many women who endured the same pain. Whatever it was, for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel invisible. I wasn’t hiding anymore, and moreover, I felt I had purpose.
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